Solutions for the Challenges of Newlywed Life

I think most, if not all, people want to maintain and strengthen the bond and feelings created between husband and wife that led them to desire to be married in the first place.  Sadly, life isn’t easy.  People aren’t perfect.  Not everything settles into place and not everyone rides off into the sunset, “happily ever after”.  Well, at least not without some consistent work.

When two people begin their life together as a married couple, it’s safe to say that a majority of them have never done it before.  It’s quite the new experience!  New husbands and wives have the character-building experience of entering into a whole new world together, and in doing so they encounter quite a few challenges.  These challenges consist of figuring out everything together; including who does the dishes, or who cooks dinner?  It might also include figuring out where the main source of income will come from and how it’s spent.  Despite the seemingly gloomy outlook, the very challenges that make us cringe may be the very thing essential for a couple’s marital success.

My goal this week is to provide a base, or template, of a list of possible solutions for common challenges with which we can refer to when we encounter (or want to prevent) these same obstacles ourselves.

Working as a Team

Some couples may have trouble working together, and it’s nothing bad or new.  Up until this point, we’ve lived very separate lives, attempting to do most everything on our own while occasionally leaning on our parents for support.  When we get married, we usually start out with very little and strangely, this might work out to our advantage.

While speaking with Family Psychologist, Dr. Michael Williams, this past week, he was very adamant on expressing that building a life together is more valuable than beginning a marriage with a large bank account.  

Paraphrasing, he said:  “Being wealthy before marriage makes it harder to rely on each other because you already have most of what you need.  Going through the challenges together will strengthen the love within a couple.”

Essentially, starting life together with little is going to be hard, sure. However, the more you lean on your significant other for support, the stronger your relationship will be when you learn how to overcome.  Here are some suggestions to begin working together.

1. Deal OPENLY, but patiently with ALL problems.  Talk it out.
2. Establish a pattern of resolving conflicts.
3. Consciously strive to maintain a warm and supportive atmosphere in the home.

Communication

This one’s next because it is so closely related to working together.  In some cases, you can even put them together.  Yes, it’s THAT important.  This can make or break a relationship, not to mention a marriage.  You are just as important to him as he is to you, and I’m fairly certain that neither of you can read each other’s thoughts 24/7.  

Don’t be afraid of offending them.  If you come forward with a humble heart and a desire to work things out, it will.  You two are going to be together and you’re going to make it work, no matter the cost.

1. Openly show both positive AND negative emotions.  Talk it out.
2. Discuss when you will have children and how many you would like to have.
3. Freely admit to each other when you are wrong.
4. Allow each other to freely express opinions/views that are different from each other’s.
5. Love each other.  Learn how each of you expresses, and expects to receive, love. (here's a link to a "love-language test". 5lovelanguages.com)

Stress Management

This seems like another sub-category, but sometimes we might not know something unless its given to us, plain and simple.  If it’s not your fault, don’t blame the other.  Express sympathy; ask how you can help.  Provide loving reassurance.  Be patient.  If it is your fault, apologize.  Be responsible.

1. Take responsibility for your own actions. Be mature.  Apologize.
2. Giving and receiving both positive and negative feedback about each other in a civilized manner (y’all are adults, after all).
3. Make room in your schedules to make time for each other.  Continue to go on dates.  Have a healthy sex life.  It may be more important than you think.
4. Be lovingly patient with each other.
5. Openly express love for one another regularly.

Religious Activity

Lastly, but not least, is church.  I myself grew up in a home where my relationship with God was just as important (if not more so) than my relationship with the members of my own family.  Even if you are not religious, these suggestions may be of some interest to you, and there may be something here that will be of valuable use.

1. Be together, Believe together.  Sharing religious beliefs may be a preventor of stress in many different forms.  It can be a great strengthener of the bond of trust.
2. When you are working together, make sure God is involved. Pray often as a couple.  Ask yourselves and the Lord what He would have you do. Center your lives on the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
3. Practice what you preach.

Many couples look back on their wedding day with a smile and the kind sentiment, usually expressing that it was the “happiest day” of their life, and they have reason to.  The emotional excitement of being legally and lawfully bound to the person you love should make your heart swell with joy and deepen the connection you have with the person you are committing yourself to.  Likewise, there’s no reason that two people cannot continue to grow in love and appreciation for each other the rest of their lives.

I firmly believe that if we work together, and we do all we both can do, there is no reason why—in 50 years or so—we can’t say that we love each other more than we do the day we get married.  That, is a truth.

Love,

MP