Dating?

We see it everywhere.  School campus, restaurants, movie theatres, parks, even walking down the street; you can find couples anywhere.  Married or not, these people dating, or are they?  Although the definition of dating hasn’t necessarily changed, the way we go about finding potential partners and going on dates has changed over the years, so let’s take a look at some examples take from the past.



PsychologyToday.com (PT) published an article written by Fredric Neuman M.D. entitled Dating:  Then and Now that highlights some of the major changes that have taken place over time.   For example, did you know that a man and a woman were not allowed to talk to one another until they had been formally introduced, or that men used to advertise themselves in newspapers!  However, today isn’t too different. 



Although we no longer wait to be formally introduced, we still advertise ourselves with apps such as Tinder, eHarmony, Mutual, etc.  Even if we don’t use dating websites, social media is usually the first thing we look at when we meet someone new.  It’s kind of like having an online journal that people can look at and see what kind of person you are…mostly.



Would you post a picture of yourself looking absolutely terrible?  Would you write about a really embarrassing thing you did last night?  Most people wouldn’t; I wouldn’t.  We want to place our best foot forward.  It’s the same thing we naturally do when we meet someone new.  We want to show the best version of ourselves who make few, if any, mistakes.  In a way, that’s good because it shows what we can be, but if we aren’t that person—or that we aren’t trying to become that person, or someone better than who we are—then that can cause a lot of problems later on when we get comfortable and the real us starts to come out.  So maybe the question is “what should we do?”.  We’ll get there in a second but first we need to rewind and take a deep breath.



Why do we date in the first place?  To find love?  Find a potential partner?  CBN.com lists 8 reasons why we might (and should) go on dates, ranging from finding the right mate and personality development.  But, unsurprisingly, the reason with the clearest reason is:  “Dating can help prepare for marriage”. 



“Dating can help couples acquire the needed knowledge and skills for a successful marriage. For example, dating helps develop a better understanding of each other's attitudes and behaviors, how to get along, and can increase your ability to discuss and solve relational problems”  -Dr. Greg Smalley



Although some will disagree, dating should be preparation for married life and nothing less.  However, this does not mean that we try to marry the first person we go on a date with.  Going out with someone, whether you like them or not, can help you learn things about yourself just as much as you might be able to learn about the other person. 



So, then, what can we do instead?  Dr. Neuman comes to our rescue once again.



 “I especially recommended arranging to meet for the first time only for coffee or a drink.”



Now, not all of us drink coffee, or strong drink, but the principle is there:  Invite a member of the opposite sex to in person and talk.  Spend some time together doing something that teaches you something about one another.  What goals or plans does someone have for their future?  How big of a family do they want to have?  Do they want to live close to home or are they open to living anywhere?  Would they make a good mother or father?  Do they share similar belief’s or desires?  These are just a few examples of things we can do.



When we finally move out of the house, and begin to really figure out who we are and what we want, we reach the point in our life where we want, and need, something more than just a few hours at a time with someone we like.  Marriage is on the horizon, and it can be the most rewarding experience of our lives.  We may never be “ready”, but we CAN be prepared!



Love,



MP