The Culture of Family

Usually, when I think of the word “culture” I think of identifying traditions of different countries. For example, when I think of American culture the first thing I think of a very individualistic lifestyle with fast-food and fast-living. On the other hand, when someone mentions a different country, like Mexico, I think of a close-knit, selfless, family oriented, community that often comes together to celebrate each other often. For example, Dia de los Muertos is a celebration of the loved ancestors of each family that have passed away. It’s a wonderful event that celebrates the best times of their family member’s life, sweetly remembered and openly shared.

Since the United States is a large blend of different cultures, those of us living there may have the opportunity to see many different cultures coexisting almost peacefully. Growing up in multiple places, I saw Chinatown and Little Italy, each with their own very distinct traditions, thrive but never mix.

Let’s make thing interesting. Let’s say that the World has been summarized into your neighborhood, and each house represents a different country, where one house is the Israel Family and their neighbors down the street are you, the USA Family. Now, we can safely say that the culture of each household is heavily based on the traditions they hold; some celebrate Christmas, others celebrate Hanukkah and neither knows the difference. Now imagine when one year in December, a little boy from the Israel household comes over to your house for Christmas dinner. He has no idea what’s going on and even though we know the celebration is completely harmless. Our little Jewish friend feels very uncomfortable; not because it’s scary, just because it’s different.

Tradition may not be directly correlated to culture, but it’s a foundational block to the house that each of us calls home. Now, removing the different “country” label from your neighborhood, do you think things would change very much? Turns out, they probably wouldn’t.

Have you ever stayed for dinner at one of your friends’ house as a kid? Ever noticed how that they aren’t exactly like your family? That they don’t always watch Polar Express on Christmas eve, or make peppermint brownies for Mom’s birthday? Each family has their own traditions and rules that make them unique.

When two people decide to get married, it is very probable that there will a little uneasiness at first. Each person comes from a different family culture and being newlyweds, they will have to figure out how to take differing traditions and mix them into new ones! it may take a while to figure out something as large: whose family they go to for Thanksgiving dinner or something as simple as who cooks dinner on Thursday.

This is nothing new! You and/or your parents, grandparents, great-grandparents, may not have had the same family traditions but they have all had to go through the same process: picking the things they want to keep, and leaving the rest behind. These kinds of choices can be easy at points where Husband wasn’t the fondest advocate of traveling to Great-Aunt Tessie’s every year for Christmas and Wife’s family lives just the next town over and would love to have them. However, it can become difficult when Wife grew up in a house where everyone washed their own dishes after dinner, but Husband grew up in a home where Mom or Dad took care of the lot.

Thankfully, this transition period doesn’t need to be a stressful subject; Husbands, you need not to fear divorce when Wife clears her throat loudly when you leave your dishes in the sink the second time that week. Wives, your husband may not be an uncultured maniac when he forgets to wash his dishes from time to time.

Both of you came from different cultures; you grew up with different experiences, different friends (unless y’all were childhood friends and got married), with different expectations of what a family should be. Don’t worry! All is not lost! Don’t give up at the first sign of trouble! Or the second, third, or fifty-first (unless it’s abuse. That’s another issue).

You, as a couple, have the wonderful opportunity to learn and to grow; to become a powerful couple as you work through challenges, trials, discords, and differences. There’s nothing that can’t be talked about without a compromise available. All this requires is a open mind and a loving heart. It can be done and you can do it! Any questions?

Love,

MP