Greatful for Father.

Thanksgiving. The time of the year where we gather together with those we love and talk with humble hearts about what's most important. For some of you, you may be thinking of family. I myself have not spent Thanksgiving with my own family for a few years now due to some uncontrollable circumstances. Thankfully (yes, I'm still in that Thanksgiving spirit), a very close friend of mine invited me along to spend the holiday with their family. I have to say, I've never been anywhere that felt like more like a home away from home then that family did. I am forever indebted to them for the amount of kindness and love that they have showed me.

While I was there, I began to realize how grateful I am for fathers and father-figures alike. They have influenced me throughout almost every stage of life thus far, and I assume they always will. I want to emphasize that the presence of one father-figure in your life does not diminish the importance, or decrease the necessity, of another. My biological father is a great man, and I've learned a great deal from him and his example. In my time away from home, I have had mentors, friends and others that have radiated father-like attributes that have encouraged me to strengthen my character.

Because of my experiences, I'd like to make a list of 5 qualities a I've seen that a father teaches through example: love, respect, compassion, hard work, and fun.

LOVING

Greater than all, a father is a prime example of love, and that can be shown in many different ways. A father's love is being there when you need him. He's the one who pulls you aside when he notices something's wrong, sometimes to correct you, other times to comfort you. The following quote from author Jim Valvano hits home.

“My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me.”

A father's encouragement in invaluable. They see things we don't see in ourselves and can see what we have the potential to become. At first, a father's correction may come off as disappointment, but behind the curtain exists an understanding of who we are and who we can become. Father-figures love us enough to hurt us. They always tell us how it is in the sense that they're never ones to sugar-coat anything. That openness is like a breath of fresh air; knowing exactly what we needed to hear and when we needed to hear it regardless if we were ready or not.

RESPECTFUL

This one is short and sweet. A father is an example of respect, meaning he is respectful and he has your respect. Growing up, my father was always respectful of my personal space. He made sure I felt comfortable and safe. I saw my father also treats my mother with an equal amount of respect. His first priority was that my mother's needs were met before his, and the beautiful part was that my mother's priority was him too.

COMPASSIONATE & SELFLESS

A father is compassionate. He understands that members of his family have different needs and wants and all at different times. A father who is imvested in his family he learns to manage his resources to give a hearty portion of his time and energy to them. A man who exhibits these qualities shows that he truly loves and cares for those who live under the family roof. I saw this in my own father almost daily as he would come home from 12 hour work days. Instead of plopping down on the couch, or taking a nap, he would greet my mother with a kiss, us kids with a hug, and then he would go and change out of his work clothes so he could help my mother prepare dinner. These simple acts of selflessness make all the difference over time.

I have seen fathers rush home in the middle of the day when a child gets hurt, or when his wife needs his support, emotionally, physically or both. Placing another's needs, safety, life, above one's own is truly the mark of compassion.

HARD WORK

Along with selflessness, I learned the value of hard work from multiple father-figures in my young life; most of what I was taught was through example. If you've ever been told not to give up, not to get frustrated, to stay strong, you have met someone who knows the value of working hard and remaining diligent. A father works hard because he knows his family depends on it. There's just something about having someone to provide for, some ennobling force, that drives a father to work harder, longer so that the members of his family have a roof over their heads, food on the table, and a life filled with opportunity.

FUN-LOVING

Along with knowing how to work hard is knowing how to play hard. A father who spends quality time with his wife and kids develops a trust and connection with his family that will last lifetimes. I don't think I've ever seen my dad happier than when we were laughing at some funny painting or telling a dumb joke. Seeing him laugh was strangely relaxing. I guess it was because it meant he was comfortable and since he was having a good time, so were we. I was happy because he was happy. Fathers sometimes don't realize the effect they have on the rest of their family. If a father can come home from a long day of work, help with dinner, and then help you with your homework, and still end the day with a smile on his face, his family will follow suit.

These five characteristics are attributes that I have seen and ones that have helped me understand what kind of father I want to be. To end, I refer to an an article written by Ditta M. Oliker, Ph.D, entitled, The Importance of Fathers, we are informed of the great qualities an father can develop.

". . . the majority of studies affirm that an involved father can play a crucial role, particularly in the cognitive, behavioral, and general health and well-being areas of a child's life; having a positive male role model helps an adolescent boy develop positive gender-role characteristics; adolescent girls are more likely to form positive opinions of men and are better able to relate to them when parented by an involved father;"

Love,

MP

Works Cited

Oliker, Ditta M. “The Importance of Fathers.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 23 June 2011, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-long-reach-childhood/201106/the-importance-fathers.